bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
