this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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