"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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