Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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