I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
