I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
