new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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