She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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