At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
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