my phone needs a breathalizer
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
