I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
