Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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