Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
