The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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