Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I had to cum in my sink.
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