walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
