i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
