I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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