so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
