can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
