If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
