I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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