She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
