when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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