I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
