Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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