I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize