I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
last night I used snow as a chaser
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
