You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize