the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
