that's an acceptable place to lick
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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