Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i just sent this text using only my big toe
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
