Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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