Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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