ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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