WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It's rum buckets o'clock
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
