Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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