I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
