No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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