I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
