WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
