Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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