: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
