So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
