just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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