whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
