It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
