belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
