Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Randomize
