I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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