If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
