wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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