I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
