I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Buhtt sex?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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