4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
even my farts smell like vagina
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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