I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
