Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
This is classic penis vs brain.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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