I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
