We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
