discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
