i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
