There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
