I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Houston, we have a blender
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
