i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
they're like a gay fantastic four
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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