Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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