she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
