You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
